What Makes Me a Good Mom?

Recently I read an article that had to do with, "What makes you a good mom?"  While I am not the perfect mom, I thought about the things I do try to adhere to in my parenting.  Here are my thoughts on it:

I am a good mom because everyone tells me I am. 😁

Seriously, tho, I think I'm a good mom because I do things that my girls don't like, like nagging them about making their beds or eating their dinners, but don't resort to "because I said so".   I'm not afraid to make them upset with me, or even make them cry, even when it tears my heart to see them so.

I won't do their homework for them, but I do check it when it's done.  If I see a wrong answer, I tell them what the wrong one is, but have THEM figure out the correct answer.

I play with the girls, sing and dance with them, but have told them that under NO circumstances am I their friend; I'm their MOM!  However, I have told them that when they are grown up, we'll revisit that discussion.  While we are playing and one of them does something they shouldn't, my MOM-hat goes right on, and they know it. They know that I can go from silly and fun to disciplinarian on a dime.

I not only listen when they talk to me, I will either stop what I'm doing and face them, or ask them to "hold that thought" while I finish, telling them that I want to give them my undivided attention and can't right now. I let them know that what they say is important to me, even if they just want to tell me that it's one of their stuffed animal's birthday.

I ask them questions, and answer theirs. I'm not afraid to say, "I don't know," and if I don't know, I'll point them in the direction where they can find an answer.

If I make a mistake, like scold an innocent party, I will apologize.

I'm as honest as I can be with them, without oversharing.  I try to maintain a level of innocence without keeping them TOTALLY ignorant.  Oversheltering can be a bad thing: this, I know.

I teach by example. I try not to set a double-standard; like, if THEY need an umbrella, I need an umbrella.

I love their father, and they see the mutual respect we have for each other, and for them.

I discipline when necessary.

I hug often.

I will give them strawberry milk and asparagus.

I always make sure that I leave work on time to pick them up after school.

I tell them to "revel in their strangeness".

We eat dinner together; maybe not EVERY night, but almost.

We pray together.

We go to church together.

I hang their awards.

I love them with all my heart.

Sharing Memories

I absolutely love seeing the world through my daughters' eyes.

Now, I've never really lost "the child inside".  I've always had a gift of being able to remember a child's perspective, but seeing as a grown-up at the same time.  I've never NOT watched children's movies, cartoons, etc.  I have even retained the memory of huge portions of "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish".

That said, I love reliving a lot of my childhood favorites with the girls.  Movies I loved as a child, television shows, book, music...all of it. 

Recently I had the blessing of FINALLY finding a copy of an animated movie that was the first one I got to see in the theatre with JUST my friends: parents basically just dropped us off, and the 4 of us walked in, bought our own tickets (and snacks), picked our own seats (near the front, naturally), and enjoyed.  This particular movie (simply titled "Once Upon a Time"...no relation to the current television series) has been virtually unfindable!  I've never seen it come on television, never rereleased in theatres, never seen it on VHS or DVD...until recently.  I was so excited, especially when I realized that my older daughter was the same exact age I was when I went to see it!
In my excitement, just as I was putting it into the machine, a horrible thought crossed my mind:

WHAT IF THE MOVIE WAS REALLY LAME???

Were my childhood memories fogged by years?  Did the movie just seem fantastic because of the independence?  I was actually a little nervous when we all sat down to view it.  Thankfully, the movie was actually a little BETTER than I remembered it, and the girls loved it.

Other things I have shared with the girls from my childhood include original segments of "Sesame Street", "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood", most of the classic Disney Animated movies, "The Monkees" (both the music and the show), "Happy Days", "The Brady Bunch", my collection of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Roald Dahl books...so much more.

I'm glad that, thus far, the girls have enjoyed them; some more than others.  Example: while they thought "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" was cute, they're completely hooked on "The Brady Bunch" (and their reaction to Davy Jones showing up on an episode was almost as classic as the episode itself).

Don't get me wrong: it's not all MY stuff.  I also (most of the time) enjoy some of the newer music, shows, etc. that they like.  "My Little Pony" and "Victorious" are wonderfully addictive shows, and I find myself enjoying listening to Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez and Hunter Hayes.

Now, if I can just get so that I'm not crying my eyes out when I DO share a piece of my childhood with them...

How I hate the Super Bowl...let me count the ways...

I have never liked football, but it used to be just a passive, don't-really-give-a-darn dislike. Every year around Super Bowl time, however, it seems like people get worse and worse, making it so that I truly dread this time of year.  I found out yesterday that the local football team has made the Super Bowl again. Great. Now I get to dread that weekend more than usual.

Years ago my husband worked for a major company in their security department. His friend 'P' asked if he could fill in for 'P' for Super Bowl Sunday so that 'P' could see the game. My husband feels the same way about football as I do, so he thought, "Hmmm...'P' gets to see the game, I get paid overtime...BONUS!!!"

My husband was Officer In Charge. One of the other officers asked if he could listen to the game on the radio. My husband said, "On 2 conditions: I don't want to hear about it, and don't let it interfere with your work."

I am NOT kidding when I say that the other officer called my husband EVERY 10 MINUTES with game updates! I know this because my husband called home at one point, and during a 15-minute conversation, the guy called twice! My husband told him every time, "Stop calling me. I don't care!"

Later a few emergencies came up. All the time my husband was trying to deal with the fire emergency and another officer who had a death in the family, the guy called, interrupting, a number of times.  My husband handled these emergencies, then found the other guy and took his radio.

A few other things happened as well. When my husband complained to his boss, his boss actually said, "YOU should be more sympathetic; it's not every year [our local team] makes the Super Bowl!" and got a red mark on his record!

Fast forward to just a few years ago. Once again the local team made the SB. One day we needed to go shopping. My husband and I, and our 2-year-old daughter (and I was about 7-8 months pregnant) were shopping. My husband was wearing his favorite sweatshirt, a shirt that his father, who had died a few years earlier, had given him.  As we're shopping, people are giving us dirty looks and making rude, snide comments. Some people purposely bumped into us, without even a feigned apology. One guy threatened to beat my husband up!

My husband didn't know it (he really doesn't follow any sport but NASCAR), but the shirt he was wearing just happened to have the logo of the OTHER SB team for that year!

Just last year my husband came home from work and told me this: His relief asked my husband if he was working SB Sunday. My husband said no. The relief said, "Then you get to watch the Super Bowl!" My husband said that he wasn't; he wasn't into it. The relief said, "That's unAmerican!!!"

Excuse me? UNAMERICAN???

There are a lot of other reasons for me to dislike the "Stupid Bowl"...but these reasons are pretty hard to top. This SB Sunday after church my family is just going to go home and mind our own businesses...we won't even have the TV on.  There are a lot more interesting things going on than that piece of idiocy.  I only wish I could stop having it rammed down my throat at every turn.

“People throw rocks at things that shine…”

I’m inspired by another line from a song.  This time the song is “Ours” by Taylor Swift.  As my older daughter is one of the biggest Swift fans, I hear a lot of her work.  I’m not complaining; I enjoy it very much.  Mostly, I’m taken by her gift for words.  This particular line hit me.

“People throw rocks at things that shine”

Nowadays that is SOOOO true!

When I was a kid, people tried to be respectful to each other.  Parents taught their children, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”  Criticism were given, but given with care.

Sometimes, when I’m reading an article or a blog on the computer, I’ll check out the comments.  It’s really shameful the way people will try to outdo each other in being nasty!  If a celebrity announces having a child, there are comments like, “If that kid looks like the parent, it’ll be so ugly!” or “Another spoiled brat; they should be fixed!”  If someone wins an award, people complain about “Hollywood wasting money padding up their egos.”  If someone (celebrity or not) makes a large donation, their either accused of just trying to get attention…or worse, of not giving ENOUGH.

People throw rocks at things that shine, especially if it’s not theirs.

Even Ms. Swift herself is no stranger to these rocks.  She’s young, she’s talented, she’s beautiful, she’s successful, and she lives a clean life.  She truly shines.  As a result, she gets rocks.  “Her voice is horrible!”  “She can’t sing!” “All her songs sound the same.”  “She only writes about high school stuff!”  “She’s so stuck up.”  “Her eyes are too squinty.”  “How long ‘til she ends up in jail or on drugs?”  She’s never done anything to warrant any of these comments, and none of them are remotely true.  There are other young, clean celebrities in the same boat.

People throw rocks at things that shine.

How innocuous is a group of children reciting John 3:16?  Focus on the Family released a commercial for their organization that was nothing more than that.  They weren’t selling anything, weren’t beating anyone over the head, weren’t saying, “You’ll go to HELL if you don’t agree!”  It was simply a short film of children reciting John 3:16, with a few little embellishments.  It was actually cute.  It was originally shown during some football game.  I heard about it and saw it on YouTube.  I’ve heard that people have been making absolutely horrible comments!  Apparently, because some people were being so inflammatory, they made it so that people could not add comments!  Do the people making these comments feel threatened by these children?

I really wish that there were more positive comments in the world, that people would throw fewer rocks and shine more lights.

As an aside, my favorite comment that I almost always see in any article is, “Who cares?”  Obviously, THEY must, to have opened the article, read it, and take the time to make the comment.

Old New Years and New Years to Come

I have always loved New Year’s Eve.  I love the thought of a clean slate, of starting a new chapter of a life, of looking back with reminiscence and looking forward with hope.

My earliest memories of New Year's were waking up on New Year's Day and seeing paper hats, tiaras and noisemakers on the kitchen table.  My parents would have gone to a party and brought these home for us kids to celebrate with...AFTER they woke up, of course.  I remember my big thing as a kid – actually, a pre-teen – was listening to the Top 100 Songs of the Year, played one-by-one.  Sometimes I would keep track and actually write them out in a list, but usually I would just listen.  I DID keep track of #1s…I wrote them in my diary.  Anyway, I would have my little transistor radio in-hand all day, listening to the countdown.  I still look forward to various annual music countdowns; tonight we'll be watching the countdown of the Top Country Music Videos.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Some years I would watch the Ball drop in New York on “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve”; some years I would listen to the New Year come in on the radio.  I always looked forward to that final “3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”

The change of decades would be fun, sometimes, too.

I never really went out for a big New Year’s Eve party.  As a kid, teen, and young adult I usually stayed home.  I remember the year I was 17 my mother gave me a single-serving bottle of Andre’s Pink Champagne to share with my then-boyfriend.  I remember making him a “fancy” dinner (Chicken Au Gratin, frozen), then having the radio on, and toasting in the New Year with him.  I thought it was a Big Deal at the time. 

After I got married we still didn’t go out, but preferred to remain at home.  We would watch movies, or listen to music, but we always made it special and romantic.  There were two years when friends of ours would have a small party at their home; those were the only years we went out.  Some years my husband would have to work; he would call me at midnight so that we could still see the New Year in together.

Now we have the girls, and they LOVE staying up ‘til midnight for the New Year!  They take a nap in the afternoon before: the only time – other than to watch a NASCAR night race – that they will willingly and voluntarily nap.  After dinner the home turns into a big pajama party.  We all wash up and get into jammies, make some popcorn and watch a movie or two, play some games, and just have a good time.  Right before Midnight we pour the Toast:  non-alcoholic sparkling white grape for the adults (the girls don’t like “fizz”, but our older one is willing to go for it this year) and white grape juice for the girls.  We watch the ball drop, make a toast, say a prayer for the coming year, and talk about either something we loved from the year just past or something we’re looking forward to in the New Year.  Then we go around and change the calendars, officially setting the New Year.

Maybe some year, when the girls are older, we may go out.  However, even if we never do, I like my New Year's as they are.

Oh, one thing that we DON'T do is New Year's Resolutions.

Happy New Year, everyone!  May God bless you and yours, and may 2012 be filled with love, light, health and beauty.

My Christmas Poem

The following poem is an old one, one that I have been posting almost every year since I wrote it.  However, this is MY blog, so I can post it again if I want to!  :)  I've written other Christmas poems, but this one is my favorite.

The story behind the writing of this poem is interesting and timely.

It was 1983: the year of the dreaded Cabbage Patch Dolls.  As I mentioned in an earlier blog, it was not a good time.  Working in a department store was not the best place to be that particular Christmas.  I was really seeing almost the very worst of humanity.  The Christmas Spirit seemed to have flown away.  The season was definitely spoiled for me.

One particular day I was working, and they needed me on a register because of the crowds.  In the line was a woman with her young son...maybe about 4 or 5 years old.  He was being a little terror.  He was running around, swinging on the dividers between the registers, whining about wanting this or that, yelling...you get the idea.  Finally, the mother turned to him and said, in an overly-sweet, overly reasoning tone, "If you don't behave, Santa won't bring you anything for Christmas."

The little boy looked up at his mother, put his hands on his hips, and said, "I don't care; I know I'm getting stuff from Grandma and Grandpa anyway!"

That evening I went home and wrote this poem.

(It just occurred to me that the little boy would be about 33 years old now; I wonder how he turned out?)

Anyway, here it is...Merry Christmas!

Christmas Anxiety

"What does Christmas mean to you?"
I asked the little child
I waited as I looked at him
My mind was running wild
-

I knew that most kids thought about
Santa for one thing
And all the toys and goodies
And other things he's bring
-

Toys and gifts and candy
Snowballs by the score
School vacations, Christmas trees
A wreath on every door
-

Lots of visiting relatives
Dressed in Sunday best
Kissing aunts and cousins
Uncomfortable at best
-

I anticipated this
Until I heard him say
"The little Baby Jesus
Was born on Christmas Day"
-

I hugged the child closely
My eyes were filled with tears
For Christmas is remembered
Even after all these years

(c) "Amalthea Celebras"  K.C. Fahel  12 December 1983

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the dreaded Black Friday

To me, the Holidays (and I always spell it with a capital “H”) have always been not only about their “definition” meanings (Thanksgiving = giving thanks, etc.) but also about family, friends, fellowship…and sometimes food.  I usually think of things like, “It’ll be so good to see so-and-so again,” or something along those lines.  I think of the people who make the Holidays special.  I think back to Holidays of my childhood and my feelings there.

What doesn’t usually come to my mind are things like, “Oh, I’ve GOT to run to the store to get this almost-impossible-to-get-but-gotta-have item for so-and so!  They’ll be so impressed!” or “I’ve got to get there early so I can be the first one there!”

I think y’all can see where I’m going with this:  the dreaded BLACK FRIDAY!!!

I don’t remember, as a child, really being exposed to that kind of pre-Christmas behavior.  I DO remember stores being a lot more filled, carriages being a lot more filled, and cashier lines being a little longer, but that was about it.

The first time I remember really facing the hell that is Black Friday was 1983; the first year I worked in retail.  It was also the year that those monstrosities – Cabbage Patch Dolls – hit the major market.  They had been available before, but special order (and I believe you had to go to a special place…I don’t remember, and I don’t really care enough to research it).  However, in 1983, they hit retail, with a fury and a vengeance that was unbelievable.  I had a front-row seat to otherwise grown, sane people becoming like wild animals, quite literally fighting each other for the ugly little beasts.  There were days when a group of us were asked to come in extra-early – about 3 AM – to put shelves back up where they were torn down, pick up items that were liberally tossed onto the floor, and try to make the toy department look like a toy department and not a war zone.  I did this even though I actually worked in the automotive department; they needed that many people.

Another Black Friday I remember was a beautiful, balmy one, around 1990-ish.  My husband and I went to a toy store to just get ideas of what we wanted to get the children in our lives.  We didn’t actually purchase anything, and weren’t too upset by the rude and pushy people that were running roughshod through the aisles.  However, when we stepped out of the store and walked to the car, we saw that someone had taken some black spray paint and just went right along a row of cars that had been parked nose-to-tail and sprayed all down the sides, and this included our beautiful teal 1977 Firebird.

What is it about Black Friday that brings out the absolute worst in people?  I’m reluctant to go anywhere on this day any more, going so far as to be sure that no groceries or other important items will run short that particular day.  The last bunch of years I’ve used this day to do Christmas decorating and attempting to get into the Christmas spirit…at least until I hear on the news about the latest Black Friday atrocities which have included stabbing, shootings, pepper-sprayings and even, this past year, at least two warnings of explosive items.

To make matters worse, Black Friday has started creeping into Thanksgiving Thursday!  It used to be that the stores would open at the usual time, then it would open a few hours earlier, then we had Midnight Specials…now the insanity is encouraged as early as 10:00pm Thursday, when most people should still be digesting their wonderful meal and sharing memories – and making new ones – with families and loved-ones.

I have a kind of schedule I like to keep around these Holidays.  It begins with a wonderful Thanksgiving Eve service, which is almost always uplifting and filled with love and gratitude.  Thanksgiving Day the attitude of gratitude carries on as, before eating a nice, large meal, we share what we are thankful for.  The past meets the future as I watch the Macy’s Parade with the girls.  As previously mentioned, the next day is reserved for setting the home – and our hearts – for the Birthday of our Savior (and I know that historians point out that his actual Birthday is in the spring, so let’s just leave that alone).  The following month is usually spent loving our neighbors, friends and families, church events, and music, culminating in Christmas morning, when we sing “Happy Birthday” to the figure of Baby Jesus as he gets put in the manger of our Nativity Scene, and exchanging gifts, representing…well…birthday gifts.

I’m not saying that I absolutely don’t think of shopping.  We try to get the girls and the other children in our lives gifts that are fun and that they will enjoy, but it’s not with an attitude of trying to impress.  Thankfully, my whole family is pretty much like that as well.  I'm also not saying that I don't occasionally fall prey to the stress of "can we afford this'n'that" or "is there time?"  I can stress as well as the next person.

So, please, in the spirit of the Holidays, just keep in mind the phrase, “Peace on earth, good will to men”…and let’s try to win Thanksgiving back.