Men

When I was a child, the men were the heads of their families.  They were respected, and they were respectable.  They cared about how they appeared, how they presented themselves…not only physically, but their reputations.  Their words were their bonds.

Most boys looked up to their fathers – and even to other men – as role models.  Most girls wanted to marry someone just like Daddy.

I know things weren't perfect, but most of them at least tried.

A lot of that is gone now…almost to the point of extinction.

Men portrayed on TV and movies are immature slobs who refuse to grow up.  The men are almost totally helpless.  Their wives lord over them.  Their children scoff at them and disrespect them.

“Dad jokes” has become a phrase for lame jokes.

I even see it in other circumstances, in real life. 

I’m thankful that, while rare, there ARE men who still care how they present themselves, who act like MEN: respectable, strong, honorable, leading and taking care of their families.  I’m also thankful that most of them are in my own family.  My husband, my brothers, my brothers-in-law all fit the bill.  I am also acquainted with other men who don’t fall into the modern “man-child” stereotype.

I pray that my daughters can find men who will also lead with integrity and respect.

To quote a movie that I love…where are you, Men of Courage?

My Mom

This is dedicated to my mother, Theresa “Terry” Coutermarsh, who passed away on March 8, 2018.

I wish to share some memories of my Superwoman mother.

Some of my earliest memories of her were of how beautiful she was.  She had this gorgeous, deep, dark, “Irish Setter”-colored hair that I both envied and adored.  Imagine my shock when I found out that it came from a bottle!  She always took care of herself, looked nice, and I especially loved how she would get all “gussied up” when going out with Dad!  Her hair done up, a gorgeous dress…she looked like a queen…but she only wore a touch of lipstick for makeup.

I liked watching TV with her in my parents’ room…especially when she let me have one of her special caramels.  She didn’t give them to me often, as I found out later that they were “diet” caramels.  I remember when she asked me if I wanted to see a brand-new show made especially for kids when I was about 6; I could watch it in her room if I wanted.  That was my introduction to “Sesame Street”.

When I was in first grade we had our school portraits taken.  I clearly remember in the letter sent home to parents it said to have your child look “natural”.  She decided that I had naturally curly hair & gave me a perm!

We did a lot of things together as I grew up.  We watched game shows, went to the movies together, went to yard sales & Goodwill.  Every time I see tap shoes I remember how she would let me hang in the shoe section while she shopped because I could just sit and stare at a pair that was always there.  She wouldn’t get them for me – I didn’t “tap”, after all – but I could “visit” them all I wanted to.  The weird thing was…they were always there.

I remember when I got my first period.  I was in school and couldn’t wait to go home to tell her.  In celebration she took me to see the movie “Superdad”.

My teen years were a mixed bag.  Mom & Dad had a lot of “grown-up” worries going on that they didn’t want me to worry about; in return, I had a lot of “teenager” worries, which included severe and constant bullying, that I likewise didn’t want them to worry about.  Mom was also going through menopause during this time, so there were some clashes.

However, it was also during this time that she & I went grocery shopping together every Wednesday evening, which was followed by dinner.  I treasure those Wednesday evenings deep in my heart.  The shopping doesn’t sound like fun, but it was.  We also did household shopping.  It was always followed by dinner: sometimes pizza, sometimes Chinese…we’d eat and talk.

She always loved her Soaps: “One Life to Live” and “General Hospital”.  As a small child I pretty much just ignored it.  In my Junior High years I openly scoffed, as any good Junior High kid would.  However, I dove head-long into the whole Luke & Laura thing!  She & I would watch together; we cried at the wedding together.  Soon around the time of the “Ice Princess”, however, I started losing interest again.

When I was 15-16, I was a regular at a teen disco that had opened up in town, called Studio C.  That was something else that Mom encouraged; me getting out and dancing.  I’d go with my best friend and we’d dance all night.  I admit that there was a lot of the juvenile criminal element hanging around there, but I never compromised my principles.  I soon became their “little sister”!  During this time I had some kind of heart problem.  I was having chest pains.  I went to the doctor who said that I was under too much stress (and a lot of other things, long forgotten) and told me to avoid all caffeine.  He asked what activities I did and I mentioned Studio C.  He said to Mom, “I would never let my daughter go out like that!”  Mom replied, “What did you do as a kid; stay home and play with your books?”

Mom also helped me get my first job.  She was a waitress at the Green Ridge Turkey Farm Restaurant for many years; she got me in as a hostess one night a week when I was 16.  I was amazed at how many customers would ask for her specifically, week after week!  I also loved customers coming up to me to tell me what “great service Terry gave us”…then wondered why I was beaming from ear to ear.

Things got really crazy when both grandmothers came to live with us.  I shared a room with Mom’s mother while Dad’s mother lived across the hall.  They really didn’t get along, but their favorite thing to fight over was my attention.  Mom & Dad had jobs and home-things to take care of; the older siblings were all out in the world; and Peter was still really little.  That left me.  Mom told me later that she regretted putting me in that position (and not putting me into therapy).

Side note: I remember one Easter when Dad’s mother was insulted because Mom gave her an Easter basket.  Mom had worked her butt off fixing up a basket with her favorite treats, yet she said that she was being treated “like a kid”.  While I was raised to respect my elders, I followed her into her room and yelled at her, letting her know exactly how much work and love Mom put into that “childish” basket.

I can’t think about Mom without thinking about music.  Music was always a huge part of my life.  There was almost always music playing in the house.  I remember Mom particularly loved the soundtrack from “Godspell”, with the song “Day By Day” being a particular favorite (it’s actually her ringtone on my phone).  I’ll never forget how happy she was the first time she saw me sing in church…when I was in my 40s.  She said that she always wanted to see me sing in church.  I was further blessed to be able to have her see me sing in church with my own daughter in the choir.

She was a fun Mémère.  Quite a few times my girls would spend overnights with her & Dad, and they would take the girls places: York Beach, Budweiser Brewery tours (no kidding; those tours are great and very family-friendly), even the beach.  The cookie jar was always full and there was always ice cream for dessert.  The girls loved the pull-out couch & staying up late, but Mom always encouraged them to call (or text) us goodnight.

I love you, Mom, and I’ll miss you terribly.  Say hello to Peter for me.

For Your Christmas Viewing Pleasure...

As much as I love Christmas music, I also love Christmas movies and specials!  There are a few that I just can’t miss every year.  They can be divided into three categories:  movies, short specials, and special TV episodes.  First, I’ll start with the movies.

The Gathering – This is a very non-traditional Christmas movie that was made for TV back in 1977.  It stars Ed Asner as a successful businessman who is estranged from his wife and four grown children…and finds out that he is dying.  He wants to “take care of unfinished business” but doesn’t have enough time.  His wife (wonderfully played by Maureen Stapleton) suggests a Family Reunion Gathering so that the kids will come to him, being none the wiser of his condition…but WILL they come?  One thing I love about this movie is, while the fact that he’s dying is a major plot point, they really don’t go on about it; you never even find out what specifically is wrong with him!  It also is very, very light on the schmaltz; it’s sweet without being sticky.  It’s a little dated (one of the sons is a Vietnam draft dodger) but that doesn’t hurt its charm.

The Nativity Story – This movie is a gorgeously filmed depiction of the story of Mary and Joseph: how they meet and become betrothed, the visiting Angels, Mary’s visit to Elizabeth, and, of course, their trip to Bethlehem for the census.  Heavily speculated, the characters are all charming and human.  The relationship between Joseph and Mary grows naturally.  Also, the Three Magi are an absolute hoot!

A Christmas Story – “You’ll shoot your eye out!” “Fra-JILL-lay,” “Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra…” “I can’t put my arms down!” Bunny suit.  B-B gun.  Orphan Annie secret decoder ring.  Visit to Santa.  Nostalgia upon nostalgia, without a slow spot in the run.  Nothing but fun.

It’s a Wonderful Life – Who doesn’t know the story of noble, humble George Bailey at the end of his rope and hope?  What can be said about this movie that hasn’t been said endless times in endless articles and blogs?  And yet, I always manage to find SOMETHING new every year.

Next, the specials:

A Charlie Brown Christmas – While not the BEST-drawn cartoon, it has more heart and soul than most modern releases.  Linus’ recitation never fails to give me chills and makes my heart leap…”That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.”

Nestor the Long-Eared Donkey – This one can be considered a mix of Dumbo and Rudolph: Nestor is a donkey born with abnormally large ears and is unmercifully tormented because of it, but finds his role in life when he is chosen to bear a very special person on their journey.  The words, “Ears, Nestor,” never fail to bring me to tears.

The Little Drummer Boy – From the people who brought you “Santa Claus is Coming To Town,” “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” and the aforementioned “Nestor,” this is the story of Aaron, the orphan who hates all people and travels with just his drum and three animals, until he is forced to face his anger and hurt by facing the One who heals.

Bill & Opus: A Wish for Wings that Work – From the mind that brought you the comic strips “Bloom County” and “Outland” brings the story of Opus the Penguin and his wish for flight.  It’s hilarious and heart-warming.   Side note: Robin Williams voices – uncredited – a lovelorn kiwi.

A lot of television series had special Holiday episodes, and there are a few that we have either recorded or purchased for repeated viewing.

7^th Heaven – In this 6^th season episode, Simon Camden’s fiancée and a friend are staying with the Camdens as the family celebrates by giving their time to others.  This episode touches upon Santa, the Birth of Christ, AND the legend of St. Nicholas.

Walker, Texas Ranger – A gang steals a bunch of collectible toys that were donated to a church, severely injuring the Pastor in the process.  A former gang member who attends this church seeks revenge.  There is also a young couple expecting their first child; their names are Jose and Maria.  Yeah, subtle, but enjoyable just the same.

Sue Thomas F.B. Eye – The Team is charged with trying to solve a rash of robberies being done by someone in a Santa suit.  Meanwhile, Bobby ends up facing a pretty reporter with a huge chip on her shoulder and an ax to grind, and Sue dreads a visit from her overly-controlling mother (and sweet, understanding father).  Sue singing & signing “Silent Night” is beautiful.

The Monkees – The guys are hired to “babysit” a young boy who is older than his years and extremely cynical.  They try to help him find his Christmas Spirit.  You will never hear the song “Deck the Halls” the same way again!  They also sing a gorgeous a capella piece, “Riu Chiu”.

Gilligan’s Island – This 1^st-season episode is a combination Holiday episode and “flashback”, as Gilligan makes a Christmas wish that they would be rescued while they remember their first day on the island.  It has a cute little “twist” ending.

Merry Christmas, and happy viewing!

Hark! The Angels Sing! Christmas Songs.

Music has always been an important part of my life, but I love Christmas music in particular.  I love it so much that I actually limit myself so that I don’t run the risk of getting sick of it.  I don’t listen to it except for between the day after Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.   Admittedly, I’m more of a fan of true CHRISTMAS (as in Birth of Christ) songs than Santa songs.  I also like some versions better than others.  Here are a few of my all-time favorites, in no particular order.

“Hark the Angels/Carol of the Bells” by SheDaisy – While their entire “Brand New Year” album is easily my favorite full-length Christmas recording, and picking just one is a chore (I HAVE to give an “Honorable Mention” to “Jingle Bells”…you’ll never listen to the song the same way again), this medley is sheer perfection.  While not a fan of rap, the rap in the center by guest vocalist Toby McKeehan of dcTalk is incredible in its power.

“It Was a Starry Night” (Traditional) – This is a gorgeous duet, which I had never heard before being picked to sing it with one of my favorite people, my daughter’s Godmother.  I was also very pregnant with our second daughter.  However, I never felt more beautiful and had no trouble hitting the high notes.  It’s a memory I treasure; I only wish someone had recorded it.  I found out later that I actually have a copy of the song (on a “Daily Bread” Christmas CD that I don’t even remember where or when I got it)! 

“A Strange Way To Save the World” by 4Him – This is a sweet and unique song, told from Joseph’s perspective.  When he asks, “Why me?  Why him?  Why Her?  Why here?”  you know he’s not complaining…merely overwhelmed.  The vocals and tune add a poignancy to a man given a great task, and is willing to do it, but is just wondering…

“Mary, Did You Know?” by Kathy Mattea – This song is beloved in its many, many versions.  Just about everyone has recorded it (with mixed results).  Kathy Mattea’s beautiful country alto keeps it simple, but no less effective (although I have to give an “Honorable Mention” to Mark Lowry’s version, with its powerful harmony in the bridge; it gives me chills every time).  Like with SheDaisy, Mattea’s “Good News” album is a must-hear every year.

“They Saw a King” by Teea Goans – If you haven’t heard Teea sing, you’re missing out on so much.  While she’s “old country”, she’s not super-twangy.  Her voice is as clear as a country stream, and her dynamics are perfection.  This is an original song, written by Larry Gatlin, and it’s gorgeous.

“The Christmas Guest” by Johnny Cash – This is more of a spoken-word piece, but I’m a sucker for story-songs, and the story combined with the deep, clear voice of the Man in Black never fails to bring me to tears…particularly the ending.  I actually read this out loud to an audience once, but had to draft my daughter to read the last part because I knew I’d be too busy sobbing.

“Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth” by Bing & Bowie – Who doesn’t know this song, with its combination of beautiful, distinctive vocals and wave of nostalgia?  My love for this song wasn’t lessened by learning the fact that Mr. Bowie actually hates the song “Little Drummer Boy” and so did the “Peace On Earth” bit instead.

“O Holy Night” (Traditional) – I have no fewer than 6 versions, by as diverse artists as Debby Boone to violinist Taylor Davis.  I sang this, a cappella, at a work Christmas party years ago, and it’s been kind of special to me ever since.

“Silent Night” (Traditional) – I have 8 versions of this one, including one by the Jingle Cats!  I won't spoil it by explaining; look them up.  A particular favorite is "Silent Night (Lord of My Life)” by Lady Antebellum.  I absolutely love closing Christmas Eve service with this one, sung by candlelight.

“Thistlehair the Christmas Bear” by Alabama – Once again, my love for story songs brings in this adorable Christmas fable about a teddy bear who wishes to spread the Good News to all the boys and girls.  The “La-La-La” child chorus at the end is simply adorable.

I’m also not above the occasional Novelty Song:  “12 Days of Christmas” by Straight No Chaser; “Snoopy’s Christmas” by the Royal Guardsmen; “Here’s Your Sign Christmas” by Bill Engvall; “Redneck 12 Days of Christmas” by Jeff Foxworthy; “Twist of the Magi” by SheDaisy (I’m telling you; their album is awesome); and the old traditional, “The 12 Pains of Christmas” by Bob Rivers”.

A few other "Honorable Mentions":  "Where Are You Christmas" by Faith Hill; "Time For Me To Come Home" by Blake Shelton (and his mother!); "Baby It's Cold Outside" by Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé; "Holy Lamb of God" by the Integrity Worship Singers; and, last but not least, "Shiny Christmas" by...ME!