The Lighter Side of 2016

Let's face it.  2016 was a pretty terrible year.  High crime.  An incredibly divisive election.  More celebrity deaths than I can ever remember, losing the likes of Prince, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Gene Wilder, Florence Henderson, Holly Dunn, Janet Waldo, two members of Emerson, Lake & Palmer, and THREE members of "The Patty Duke Show"...to name a very, very few.  It's heartbreaking.

However, I've decided, at the end of this year, to try to remember the good things that happened to me, personally, this year.  

I've never been one to write out annual newsletters - although I truly do enjoy reading the ones I get - but I figured that there's a first time for everything, and THIS particular year needs it more than most!

So here is the Fahel View of 2016!

January:  The Coutermarsh side of the family had a gathering.  It's rare when a large percentage of us can get together, and this was as nice a gathering as could be.

February:   Elizabeth participated in the AWANA quiz, with Deborah volunteering as co-captain.  Elizabeth also celebrated her 11th birthday with a trip to Toys R Us (which just happened to have a Pokemon Day while we were there) and dinner at Red Robin.

April:  Elizabeth attended her final AWANA Awards Night, ending a 10-year involvement in the program for our family.

May:  Deborah was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society, while Elizabeth applied for and was selected as part of her school's Leadership Council, where she served on a board that was interviewed by the Mayor, school board, and various members of local government and parents.  Deborah also had a "gig" with the Chamber Orchestra performing at Barnes & Noble, one of the first times the Chamber Orchestra was asked to perform outside of the school.

June:  Elizabeth graduated from elementary school with high honors, receiving the President's Academic Award.  Deborah finished 7th grade with high honors.  Elizabeth also participated in a week-long music camp at our church, learning choral singing and ukulele.

July/August: Deborah once again participated in Breakthrough, taking up tennis along with the academic studies she so enjoys.  Elizabeth spent her time in a YMCA camp, where she earned Camper of the Week, then Camper of the Day, then finally Camper of Camp at the end.

Also in August we witnessed an adoption, and my company moved from a pretty bad location to a lovely new office with great location, ample parking, and a thermostat that WE can control!  This month Leigh also got Officer of the Month at his job.

September:  Leigh & I celebrated our 31st anniversary by taking the girls to a local car show.  That may not sound great, but we love it and had a wonderful time.

Also in September, Elizabeth started her first year of middle school, while Deborah started her last.  Deborah was also elected Vice President of Student Council, and they both auditioned for - and were accepted by - the Chamber Orchestra.  Ordinarily, 6th graders aren't accepted, but Elizabeth figured she would give it a shot.  She also joined Deborah as members of our church's Youth Group.

October:  Elizabeth got braces.  While not exactly a "good" thing per se, it was needed for more than just cosmetic reasons, so that makes it good.

 November:  Deborah turned 14.  Her choice for her birthday?  Just for all of us to stay home in "jammies", relax, call out for pizza, and watch "Flowers for Algernon" (one of her birthday gifts).  Later in the month we also attended our friend Kevin's ordination service.

Which brings us to now...December:  Even though today is only the 9th, it's already been a full time.  As a member of NJHS, Deborah got to ride on a float in the city's Christmas parade...and then Elizabeth was invited to join in.  The next day Deborah, Elizabeth & I were all involved in the church's Christmas pageant.  Deborah narrated.  Elizabeth & I were in the Adult Choir and the Ladies' Ensemble, but Elizabeth was also in the Youth Choir.  Then there were 2 concerts, back-to-back: 6th-grade strings, followed by 7th- and 8th-grade strings with Chamber Orchestra.

I'll admit that, as bad as 2016 was overall, there were a lot of bright spots in it.  Here's to hoping and praying that 2017 will be a lot better.

Respect

Last week I was watching some old game shows, "To Tell the Truth" and "What's My Line".  These were all older episodes from (I think) the mid-60s.  I couldn't help but notice quite a few things:

• All of the women were well-dressed; a contestant was even wearing a hat and gloves;
• All of the men were wearing suits;
• All of the people spoke in moderate tones, no yelling or shouting;
• There was quite a bit of joking around, but it was all "clean" and more in line with good-natured ribbing. 

It kind of made me...well, not sad exactly...closer to reflective.  

Nowadays people don't get "dressed up" unless they absolutely HAVE to, and it's mostly for things like weddings and funerals...and, in most cases, not even then.  It seems to me that people take MORE pride in how "dressed DOWN" they can be.

One time I mentioned that, for me, not going out in ripped clothes or pajama pants was a source of self-respect.  I was informed by someone that THEY  respected themselves enough to "be comfortable" and not care about what other people thought of them.

Which brings me to speech.  Recently I read that people who swear and use foul language are "more honest" and even show higher intelligence.  I don't see that.  To me, it takes more intelligence - and imagination - to THINK about what you say and not fall into base language...and a person can be honest AND tactful at the same time, contrary to popular opinion.

I guess a lot of this boils down to respecting others.

I respect others enough to want to show my "best face".

I respect others enough not to want to use coarse language.

I respect others enough to try to be honest, yet tactful.

I respect others enough to hear or read their opinions and not hate them for differing from mine.

I respect others enough to go to a ceremony, school concert, etc., and continue to sit quietly and pay attention, even when "my" part is done.

I'm not perfect.  I slip up as much as anybody. I do think it would be easier if more people at least attempted to show some level of respect...for themselves, as well as others.

Thankfully, I'm pretty much surrounded by some pretty respectful people.



 

Christmases Past

Like most people, I love Christmas.  I love the lights, the decorations, the music…the general feeling of goodwill that just naturally seems to permeate the surroundings.  There is also a general sense of nostalgia that happens.  I don’t know if it is because it’s so close to the end of the year, or because people are reminded of their childhoods, or what they wish their childhoods were like, but people love to look back.  

When decorating, most people look at ornaments and remember where they were when they got it, or who gave it to them.  Anything from pretty store-bought ones that mark a special occasion, or the sweet, funny-looking hand-made ones from children, people remember.

I remember…I remember…

Like others, I have some favorite Christmas memories:

One year, right before Christmas, a popular store was closing and was having a close-out sale.  My husband, father-in-law and I decided to check it out.  At one point my FIL found a beautiful set of owl prints: my husband loves owls.  He took me aside, gave me the money, told me to buy it and hide it in the car.  I rushed to the task and hurried back.  A little while later my husband found a deep fryer.  My FIL had wanted a new one.  So, my husband took me aside…you can guess the rest.  There I was, quite literally sitting on TWO Christmas surprises!  I don’t know what was better: their expressions when they both opened the loved gifts, or their expressions when it was discovered when they were purchased!

Going back, when I was in my early teens, I had noticed a rather large box with my name on it.  I wondered and wondered what it could be.  I thought it might be a TV…MY VERY OWN TV!  I took a tape measure and measured the box, then measured the smaller TV in my parents’ room.  Nope: the box was too small.  OK, so it wasn’t a TV…what could it be?  One day my brother called me.  He knew about the box, and asked that I not open it until he was there to see me open it.  That REALLY piqued my curiosity!  Finally, Christmas morning came.  My brother arrived.  I opened the box…and it was…A TV!!!  A small, “wood” framed, black & white TV.  I loved it.

I worked in retail for a few years.  One year I had gotten a kit to make a nativity scene out of plastic canvas with needlepoint.  I would take the kit to work every day and work on it during breaks.  It quickly became a spectator sport, with people trying to take their breaks at the same time so they could see the progress.  I did get to finish it right before Christmas, so I put it on display in the break room that year, and the Christmas after that.  (Sadly, the year after that there were a lot of newer people who thought it was funnier to take parts of it and hide it, so I stopped after that.)

The first time I was ever able to take part in a church Christmas pageant was unforgettable.  I had always wanted to be part of one, but never had the opportunity.  Finally, the opportunity came.  I played an angel.  My older daughter, who had just turned 2, was also an angel, along with another woman who had a 2-year-old son.  The funny thing was, I was 40, and the other woman and I were both pregnant!

Side note: the next year we got to do the pageant as a family: my husband & I got to be Mary & Joseph, our new baby daughter was Baby Jesus...and our older daughter was a lamb.

 

And, to wrap up, a few memory bits:

The Christmas when I was maybe 5, when I got a gorgeous rocking chair and a life-sized rag doll.

The Christmas I got Barbie’s Country Camper: I kept the box to put my dirty clothes in, and called it my Barbie’s Country Hamper.

The Christmas eve of 2004, when I sang “It Was a Starry Night” in a duet with one of my favorite people, while 7 months pregnant with our second daughter.

The Christmas I received almost everything Kliban Cat, including sheets, a towel, a t-shirt, and a diary.

The Christmas when I first FELT like a parent; when our oldest just turned 2 and really “got it” for the first time.

Merry Christmas, everybody.  Enjoy celebrating our Savior’s birth, and creating new memories.

Punch WHAT?

There is a new phrase that is going around nowadays.  It’s a phrase that is used to show frustration against a person.  If someone bothers you, this is the phrase that is in use:

“Punch them in the throat.”

Graphic, much?

However, THIS is the way people are showing frustration!  I don’t think that they will actually DO this horrible thing, but to even say it is deeply disturbing.  It’s not even like people say it about someone who does something horrible, like physical abuse, murder or assault.  They say it over annoyances.  Minor annoyances.

The first time I read it, I really didn’t think much of it, figuring that it was just one person.  However, I have been seeing it pop up more and more…and the more I see it, the more disturbing I find it.

It used to be “slap them upside the head”, which, while still physical, isn’t nearly as hurtful or dangerous.  It’s actually a little funny.  Kind of like “He hits my hair!” from the movie Saturday Night Fever.   

You want to smack some sense into the person.  Fine.

But…”punch them in the throat”…?

The very thought of it is horrifying.

#luvyabye

My husband and I love the movie “Courageous”.  It’s a fantastic film about men taking fatherhood – and husbandhood – seriously; putting God first and being leaders with love and compassion.  The basic plot is about a man, who is a police officer, who discovers how he is lacking in this area after a tragedy strikes, and how he, and his friends, pull themselves up.  The movie has both drama and comedy.

All of this is leading to something…trust me.

A running gag in the movie is when the officer is talking to his CO on the phone, but is mildly distracted by his wife.  He and his wife are in a bit of a rut, so without thinking, he always ends phone conversations with her by just saying, “Love ya; bye.”  The gag is, the officer accidentally says to the CO, “Love ya; bye.”

Next to the “Snake Kings”, it’s our favorite scene.

(No, I’m not going to explain “Snake Kings”.  Watch the movie.  You won’t be disappointed.)

My husband and I love “Love Ya; Bye” and have adopted it as a little humor bit between us.  We say it when we leave for work, and at the end of phone conversations.   We even end text conversations with #luvyabye.  It’s both a cute little inside joke AND a reminder not to take each other for granted.

Little things like that – inside jokes, private endearments, connections – help to maintain a strong relationship.  I challenge couples to find their #luvyabye, and use it…with love.

What's in a name...?

A lot of fuss and bother has been going on with the birth of the new Prince in England.  I've heard people complain about the name chosen, particularly the first name, George.  "It's too old-fashioned!"  "It reminds me of George of the Jungle!"  "Oh, look: Prince Boy George!"

*sigh*

At least a lot of thought went into the name.

I think you can see where this is leading.

Names are a bit of a hobby of mine.  I love names.  I love finding out the reason behind names chosen.  I love seeing good names put together to make a lasting identification.  Unfortunately, too many people don't put the time, thought, and consideration into this life-long gift to their son or daughter.  They spend too much time trying to be "unique", to show how much of a non-conformist they are...without giving any real thought to what the poor child who will be saddled with such a name will have to deal with.

Wanna give a weird, "cutting edge" name?  Get a puppy.

A child is a PERSON.  The cute little baby will grow up to be an adult, with a job - maybe career - and responsibilities.  They will hold positions of sorts within society.

In my humble opinion (and, of course, it IS just my opinion), the following are some of the things that I think a person should think about when they're choosing a name for a baby.

1) Think about how you will answer the question, "Why did you name me [fill in name]?"  Granted, not everyone cares.  I know I did.  I was obsessed with finding out exactly why I received the name I did.  It turned out that I was named after a book; I was thrilled, because it's one of my favorite books.  I had originally thought that I got the name because my parents were originally expecting a boy, so they didn't have a girl's name chosen, and mine was just off the top of their heads!  Needless to say, I was relieved to find out the actual story.   

2) Be careful of what the initials will spell!  If your last name is Thompson, you really don't want to choose the names Timothy Ian.

3) Think of how the name will "flow".  Some people will choose a perfectly lovely first and second name, forgetting that the middle name isn't usually used in normal addressing, so while "Suzette Ailene Charles" may sound nice, "Suzette Charles" sounds a little awkward.

4) If you want to be creative with spelling, please remember that your child will be correcting people for the rest of his or her life.  Also, the CHILD has to learn how to spell it!

5) Realize that, even if YOU don't like nicknames, your child just might.  If you name your daughter Elizabeth, she might prefer to be called Beth, Betty, Liz, Lisa, Ellie, Buffy, etc., when she gets older.  She might just WANT to be Elizabeth.  It's your child's name.  I had a friend who I originally knew as Liz, but when she hit high school, decided to go by Lisa.

6) On the flip-side, be careful about giving what is traditionally a nickname as a given name, for the same reasons as 4 and 5.

7) Try not to fall into "theme naming", like giving every child the same initial.  This is true particularly with giving twins rhyming names.  They are individuals, who have a right to be treated as such, and not part of a package deal.  Personally, I find that names with different initials makes things easier for marking appointments on calendars or labeling personal items around the house.

8) Find the latest "Top 100" list...and throw it away.  If the name is significant, has a special meaning to you (or, as I like to say, it "has a good 'why'"), is well thought-out, and you want to give it to your child, who cares who else - or how many - like it?  This goes back to #1. 

9) As I mentioned earlier, remember that the cute little button in your arms will someday be an adult who might not appreciate the moniker "Button".  Keep the endearments as nicknames, but give the child a name that will grow with him or her.

10) Remember that the name you give your child is a gift.  Don't spend less time considering this gift than you would a birthday, wedding, or anniversary gift.  Give more, as this gift is far more important, and should last a lifetime.

What Makes Me a Good Mom?

Recently I read an article that had to do with, "What makes you a good mom?"  While I am not the perfect mom, I thought about the things I do try to adhere to in my parenting.  Here are my thoughts on it:

I am a good mom because everyone tells me I am. 😁

Seriously, tho, I think I'm a good mom because I do things that my girls don't like, like nagging them about making their beds or eating their dinners, but don't resort to "because I said so".   I'm not afraid to make them upset with me, or even make them cry, even when it tears my heart to see them so.

I won't do their homework for them, but I do check it when it's done.  If I see a wrong answer, I tell them what the wrong one is, but have THEM figure out the correct answer.

I play with the girls, sing and dance with them, but have told them that under NO circumstances am I their friend; I'm their MOM!  However, I have told them that when they are grown up, we'll revisit that discussion.  While we are playing and one of them does something they shouldn't, my MOM-hat goes right on, and they know it. They know that I can go from silly and fun to disciplinarian on a dime.

I not only listen when they talk to me, I will either stop what I'm doing and face them, or ask them to "hold that thought" while I finish, telling them that I want to give them my undivided attention and can't right now. I let them know that what they say is important to me, even if they just want to tell me that it's one of their stuffed animal's birthday.

I ask them questions, and answer theirs. I'm not afraid to say, "I don't know," and if I don't know, I'll point them in the direction where they can find an answer.

If I make a mistake, like scold an innocent party, I will apologize.

I'm as honest as I can be with them, without oversharing.  I try to maintain a level of innocence without keeping them TOTALLY ignorant.  Oversheltering can be a bad thing: this, I know.

I teach by example. I try not to set a double-standard; like, if THEY need an umbrella, I need an umbrella.

I love their father, and they see the mutual respect we have for each other, and for them.

I discipline when necessary.

I hug often.

I will give them strawberry milk and asparagus.

I always make sure that I leave work on time to pick them up after school.

I tell them to "revel in their strangeness".

We eat dinner together; maybe not EVERY night, but almost.

We pray together.

We go to church together.

I hang their awards.

I love them with all my heart.