Men

When I was a child, the men were the heads of their families.  They were respected, and they were respectable.  They cared about how they appeared, how they presented themselves…not only physically, but their reputations.  Their words were their bonds.

Most boys looked up to their fathers – and even to other men – as role models.  Most girls wanted to marry someone just like Daddy.

I know things weren't perfect, but most of them at least tried.

A lot of that is gone now…almost to the point of extinction.

Men portrayed on TV and movies are immature slobs who refuse to grow up.  The men are almost totally helpless.  Their wives lord over them.  Their children scoff at them and disrespect them.

“Dad jokes” has become a phrase for lame jokes.

I even see it in other circumstances, in real life. 

I’m thankful that, while rare, there ARE men who still care how they present themselves, who act like MEN: respectable, strong, honorable, leading and taking care of their families.  I’m also thankful that most of them are in my own family.  My husband, my brothers, my brothers-in-law all fit the bill.  I am also acquainted with other men who don’t fall into the modern “man-child” stereotype.

I pray that my daughters can find men who will also lead with integrity and respect.

To quote a movie that I love…where are you, Men of Courage?

My Mom

This is dedicated to my mother, Theresa “Terry” Coutermarsh, who passed away on March 8, 2018.

I wish to share some memories of my Superwoman mother.

Some of my earliest memories of her were of how beautiful she was.  She had this gorgeous, deep, dark, “Irish Setter”-colored hair that I both envied and adored.  Imagine my shock when I found out that it came from a bottle!  She always took care of herself, looked nice, and I especially loved how she would get all “gussied up” when going out with Dad!  Her hair done up, a gorgeous dress…she looked like a queen…but she only wore a touch of lipstick for makeup.

I liked watching TV with her in my parents’ room…especially when she let me have one of her special caramels.  She didn’t give them to me often, as I found out later that they were “diet” caramels.  I remember when she asked me if I wanted to see a brand-new show made especially for kids when I was about 6; I could watch it in her room if I wanted.  That was my introduction to “Sesame Street”.

When I was in first grade we had our school portraits taken.  I clearly remember in the letter sent home to parents it said to have your child look “natural”.  She decided that I had naturally curly hair & gave me a perm!

We did a lot of things together as I grew up.  We watched game shows, went to the movies together, went to yard sales & Goodwill.  Every time I see tap shoes I remember how she would let me hang in the shoe section while she shopped because I could just sit and stare at a pair that was always there.  She wouldn’t get them for me – I didn’t “tap”, after all – but I could “visit” them all I wanted to.  The weird thing was…they were always there.

I remember when I got my first period.  I was in school and couldn’t wait to go home to tell her.  In celebration she took me to see the movie “Superdad”.

My teen years were a mixed bag.  Mom & Dad had a lot of “grown-up” worries going on that they didn’t want me to worry about; in return, I had a lot of “teenager” worries, which included severe and constant bullying, that I likewise didn’t want them to worry about.  Mom was also going through menopause during this time, so there were some clashes.

However, it was also during this time that she & I went grocery shopping together every Wednesday evening, which was followed by dinner.  I treasure those Wednesday evenings deep in my heart.  The shopping doesn’t sound like fun, but it was.  We also did household shopping.  It was always followed by dinner: sometimes pizza, sometimes Chinese…we’d eat and talk.

She always loved her Soaps: “One Life to Live” and “General Hospital”.  As a small child I pretty much just ignored it.  In my Junior High years I openly scoffed, as any good Junior High kid would.  However, I dove head-long into the whole Luke & Laura thing!  She & I would watch together; we cried at the wedding together.  Soon around the time of the “Ice Princess”, however, I started losing interest again.

When I was 15-16, I was a regular at a teen disco that had opened up in town, called Studio C.  That was something else that Mom encouraged; me getting out and dancing.  I’d go with my best friend and we’d dance all night.  I admit that there was a lot of the juvenile criminal element hanging around there, but I never compromised my principles.  I soon became their “little sister”!  During this time I had some kind of heart problem.  I was having chest pains.  I went to the doctor who said that I was under too much stress (and a lot of other things, long forgotten) and told me to avoid all caffeine.  He asked what activities I did and I mentioned Studio C.  He said to Mom, “I would never let my daughter go out like that!”  Mom replied, “What did you do as a kid; stay home and play with your books?”

Mom also helped me get my first job.  She was a waitress at the Green Ridge Turkey Farm Restaurant for many years; she got me in as a hostess one night a week when I was 16.  I was amazed at how many customers would ask for her specifically, week after week!  I also loved customers coming up to me to tell me what “great service Terry gave us”…then wondered why I was beaming from ear to ear.

Things got really crazy when both grandmothers came to live with us.  I shared a room with Mom’s mother while Dad’s mother lived across the hall.  They really didn’t get along, but their favorite thing to fight over was my attention.  Mom & Dad had jobs and home-things to take care of; the older siblings were all out in the world; and Peter was still really little.  That left me.  Mom told me later that she regretted putting me in that position (and not putting me into therapy).

Side note: I remember one Easter when Dad’s mother was insulted because Mom gave her an Easter basket.  Mom had worked her butt off fixing up a basket with her favorite treats, yet she said that she was being treated “like a kid”.  While I was raised to respect my elders, I followed her into her room and yelled at her, letting her know exactly how much work and love Mom put into that “childish” basket.

I can’t think about Mom without thinking about music.  Music was always a huge part of my life.  There was almost always music playing in the house.  I remember Mom particularly loved the soundtrack from “Godspell”, with the song “Day By Day” being a particular favorite (it’s actually her ringtone on my phone).  I’ll never forget how happy she was the first time she saw me sing in church…when I was in my 40s.  She said that she always wanted to see me sing in church.  I was further blessed to be able to have her see me sing in church with my own daughter in the choir.

She was a fun Mémère.  Quite a few times my girls would spend overnights with her & Dad, and they would take the girls places: York Beach, Budweiser Brewery tours (no kidding; those tours are great and very family-friendly), even the beach.  The cookie jar was always full and there was always ice cream for dessert.  The girls loved the pull-out couch & staying up late, but Mom always encouraged them to call (or text) us goodnight.

I love you, Mom, and I’ll miss you terribly.  Say hello to Peter for me.